The Emotional Sobriety Workbook (A Guide To Working Through It With A Sponsee)

I first came across the Emotional Sobriety Workbook when I was about eight or nine years sober. I was in a relationship, and I kept finding myself getting angry, not knowing what to do with it, and often sulking or storming out, putting a real mood into the house. I rang a member with long-term sobriety, and he sent me the workbook, telling me it had really helped him with his own relationship.

Since then I've noticed something fairly consistent: members with five or more years of sobriety often reach a point where the basics: prayer, meditation, written inventory, working with others, service — stop being enough on their own. They're doing the work, but they still can't quite identify how they feel, what they actually need, or what to do about it. That gap tends to show up as anger, sulking, scorn, depression, or these real highs and lows of emotion. That's usually the moment the Emotional Sobriety Workbook comes into its own.

Where it comes from

The workbook itself isn't mine, it comes from the States, put together from material by long-term sober members, and loosely based on the letter Bill Wilson wrote for the Grapevine on emotional sobriety. It covers things like emotional immaturity, the spiritual malady, the Tyranny of the Shoulds, and the emotional needs working through disturbance, reaction, expectations, unhealthy dependencies, unmet needs, and how to reconnect and depend on God rather than other people to meet them.

Passing it on

I'll be fourteen years sober this year, and I've since introduced the workbook to a number of people usually as a sponsor, working through it with a sponsee. It's genuinely enlightening for people who are struggling with their emotional nature, even if they eventually find themselves more drawn to process fellowships like CoDA, Al-Anon, or SLAA to really dig into how they get their needs met long-term.

This workbook is a really solid introduction before that, a gateway, similar to the first time you read “Drop the Rock” on Steps Six and Seven, or work through the tornado exercise. It deepens people's understanding of themselves, and it's a good reminder that sobriety isn't just about day count or being the most sober person in the room, especially in younger fellowships, where you might find a lot less long-term sobriety in the room than you would elsewhere.

How I structure it with a sponsee

I like structure when I take someone through this. Left unstructured, there's enough material in here that it can become open-ended fast, and it brings up a lot for people. What I recommend:

• Eight weeks, roughly an hour to an hour and a half per session.
• Zoom or face to face both work fine. Have the workbook to hand and take notes.
• Read through it together rather than assigning it as homework to report back on.
• Let them share their insights in the moment, but also push them to go away and reflect, to actually sit with how they feel, not just intellectualise the material. Most people will strongly identify with it once they slow down enough to.

Beyond that, I don't think there's much more to add, it's a genuinely wonderful piece of work, and how you go through it will end up being your own. I'm attaching the workbook here for anyone who wants it, as well as a recommended 8-week structure to work through it. Some pages are omitted as they provide examples from other member’s work, which I suggest can be read through in the sponsee's personal time.

The Emotional Sobriety Workbook

The 8-Week Structure

1. Foundation - pp. 1–9
2. Bill's letter - pp. 10–16
3. Spiritual malady + tyranny of the shoulds - pp. 17–25
4. Problem/solution + inventory Parts 1–2 - pp. 26–33
5. Inventory Part 3 (expectations) - pp. 34–36
6. Inventory Part 4 (dependencies) - pp. 37–40
7. Inventory Parts 5–6 + quick tips - pp. 41–47
8. Core-needs reference, appendix as take-home tools, then close by doing the live inventory together - pp. 48–64

That's brisk - roughly the pace you'd need if each week stays tight.

If you want to have time to talk through and reflect for longer, a more realistic version is 10-12 weeks: same shape, but split weeks 5, 6, and 7 above each into two sessions (Part 3 alone, Part 4 alone, Part 5 alone, Part 6 alone), since those are the most personal, slow-going sections - everything before page 29 and everything after page 47 moves faster because it's reading/reflection rather than the sponsee generating their own material.