Stop Trying To Help People

When I was 24, you would not have wanted me in your house.

I’d steal your money, put pawnable items in my pockets and then help you look for what you thought you “lost” which I had just stolen and put in my bag.

My one consuming thought was smoking dope and getting drunk.

And fuck everyone else.

But then I got sober.

That was almost 11 year’s ago.

I went to 12 step meetings and they were awesome.

Got 30,60,90 days sober…

And then months became years and then finally a decade.

One of the best things I ever learnt in recovery was that I was a borderline narcissistic and selfish prick.

So, I was strongly encouraged to help other people.

Call them, go to meetings with them, have coffee with them, and take them through a “programme of recovery”

And it worked.

I stayed sober, and I still help people today.

But,

I got caught in a trap.

The trap of helping people.

Picking up the phone all the time.

Responding to messages, and cries for help.

And I started to lose myself, and what I wanted.

I started to becomer a RESCUER and ENABLER.

My life stopped moving forward, while everyone moved on without me.

And 99% of the people I helped, I’ll probably never speak to again.

Now this is probably a bit controversial.

But what I learnt this year is…

Stop trying to help people…

Who do not want to be helped.

You know, when you find yourself having the same conversation with the same friend about the same fucking problem, that they’ve been having for the last 3 years.

Stop that.

Or that person who just wants to call and whine about their life.

That’s probably in some ways better than yours.

Stop that.

Or at least.

Stop that for now.

Until you figure out what the fuck you want first.

Because those people will interrupt your life FOREVER.

They will drain your time, energy and resources and leave you a hollow husk of a person.

And merrily skip off to find their next unsuspecting victim.

So save yourself.

Save your energy for those who want to be helped.

Who follow your advice.

Who actually solve their problems.

Who find solutions.

Instead of those trapped in the never ending cycle of self pity and misery

People like Bryce

Do’ers

Not talkers.

This newsletter started on Reddit, but I stopped posting after receiving an endless amount of shit from arm chair critics in their pants.

Hell, I even stopped Facebook for the same reason.

Because once you save all that energy for yourself.

You can chase your own dreams.

Then like a light house.

Those who really want help, will be drawn to you.

As the saying goes in recovery.

If you want what I have, you’ve got to do what I’ve done.

So, the real test?

Whether you should help someone or not.

Next time they call, or message.

Set them a simple task.

Something you have done, when you were in their shoes.

And see if they follow through and take action.

Or call you up to moan about the same problem a few days later.

Because when they do.

You’ll know it’s time to stop taking those calls.

Because…

Deny them,

Or deny yourself.

Now a bonus section, as requested by Eury (my friend, mentor and subscriber)

Here’s what I’ve been reading/ watching the past few days that’s made a deep impression on me.

These are not affiliate links, I have no skin in the game, this is just a small section of the enormous amount of content I consume every week, whenever I can.

[FORUM] NHB Facebook Forum - Alen Sultanic

If you’re a marketer, copywriter, offer owner or just interested in watching how people work, this forum is absolute gold.

I’ve since gone on to join NHB+

I have to say Alen Sultanic is probably one of the best marketers I have ever learnt from, in terms of thinking

[VIDEO] watch this if you’re tired of being broke - Alex Hormozi

I’ve watched this video AT LEAST 15 times, as I had a poor relationship to money.

A great reminder of why volume matters

[BOOK] The Almanack of Naval Ravikant

I have read this a few times, great to read again and learn from a brilliant thinker about important mental frameworks and ways to think