Careful What You Promise

Last week I promised to release this newsletter every Friday at 9AM GMT.

It’s 10:01 and I started typing.

Promise broken.

The reason?

I’m doing too much.

This week’s business lesson is about the long and slow journey learning to practise “via negativa.”

A mental model I first heard through Tim Ferriss, and later saw explained on Shane Parrish’s Blog Farnham Street.

Ever since I was in my mid-20’s I have been obsessed with Charlie Munger, Warren Buffett and mental models. The idea of simple systems to help simplify the way that I see the world.

So, how does a weird Latinny sounding thing have to do with me being shit at keeping promises?

I over promise, take on too much, people please, say yes when I mean to say no and end up letting people down. I break promises, not because I’m an asshole but because I get burnt out, and then cancel things.

My solution to life was always do more, work harder, hustle…

That shit makes me feel like I’m going to have a nervous breakdown.

Hence why “via negativa” was so important for me.

The premise is quite simple.

Instead of adding, subtract.

Remove that which is not useful or joyful and leave yourself with what’s left.

As a chronic over achiever and someone who wants to “be busy” all the time, when I first started this 2-3 years ago, it made my skin itch.

I see a spare afternoon or evening and I have to fill it.

Got an hour to myself? Let’s find someone to call.

This can also apply to things you do not enjoy in your business.

I see so many one man entrepreneurs and self employed people, drowning in the shit of what they don’t want to do.

Instead of parting with a little bit of cash to make their job 10x more enjoyable.

Here’s how 8 ways I used via negativa in my life, both personally and professionally:

1. Hired a Virtual Assistant as soon as I could afford it
2. Hired a video editor to run our Youtube Channel
3. Hire someone to take care of our Operations and Admin
4. Made it hard to book me for a premium coaching programme and discouraged people to join (£5K) because my heart isn’t set on it for the future
5. Stop returning the calls of people who wanted different things from me, or always had problems, wanted attention, or would react when I was absent
6. Keep a set schedule with work and home life, and writing time
7. Eat the same things most days to remove choice (to clarify I can eat anything I like and am in good shape, but choices fuck with my head, so I eat lunch at the same cafe, generally don’t eat breakfast and eat a simple or small dinner)
8. Maximise effort, time and attention to existing relationships in my life that give me joy and fill me up, and don’t seek out new and exciting shiny things

A lot of my stress and broken promises comes from doing too much, and trying to be too much for too many people.

One thing that always stuck with me about broken promises, is that the biggest person who get’s hurt is me.

My self esteem always takes a knock when I break a promise to myself and then to others.

It took my until I was 36, to start realising that if I want to achieve the ambitious goals I have in my life.

Alot of things and people need to be removed.

It’s not personal.

Even if people take it personally